ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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