im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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