My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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