at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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