So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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