we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
