Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
