it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
