Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
