Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
