I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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