so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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