saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
