As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
