I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
