I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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