Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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