I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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