im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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