Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
