i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
