I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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