look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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