I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
