Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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