my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she looked like the before picture.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
