My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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