at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
