Your dad touched me again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
