This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
