I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
