you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
