I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
