Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
