he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
