just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
