Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
