I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
