Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
