She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
