if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
