trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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