Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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