Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
