nut hugger
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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