Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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