if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize