listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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