oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
