Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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