I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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