Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
