I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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