Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
