can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
