Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
