is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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