Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
