Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
