just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
