He kissed a someone with a penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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