True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
