You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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