The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize